unwanted

I have layed myself at your alter
unclothed my body and exposed my weaknesses
I have broken down all hinderances
for you.
and waited patiently for you to do the same...
but i guess I expected too much

I have altered and changed and waited..
hoping, and praying and examining
myself.
and how i could improve so that i could have equaled your expectation
and improved your satisfaction.
but I guess I misunderstood.

I have dressed and undressed,
made and unmade faces and wardrobes to
capture attentions that waned.
To fit into high healed shoes of sneakered feet
just to scream...look at me...
this is for you

But now I have unwillingly reached the point where all is left but my impending exit.
since there is no other function for my obsolete position.
I add no value to your life and no aspect of it requires my existence.

No physical, emotional, sexual, mental or imaginary wish is for me to be there.
This is how it is...
3rd times the charm out of 3.
It happens again.
and again
and again.

If I go, what will you miss?
Maybe just a text, but never my kiss.
For I have managed to achieve in 9months
what ex girlfriends achieve in 3 and more years.
maybe I am just not cut out for this.

I guess its time to exit and disappear.
for I no longer serve a purpose
I wish I can erase the hurt and the pain
since the next step will be the hardest
and the next chapter will remain ...
unopened.


****I have found everything I have wanted and everything I prayed for, but you have not yet found the answer to your prayer. Maybe you do deserve more than me****

How do you spell.....L.O.V.E?

L.O.V.E
something that has always laughed in my face.
Because I fall,
HARD!
This time I fell hardest
and felt safe enough not to get back up.
I closed my eyes to feel the comforting warmth and bask in my happiness.
Then my eyes were forced open because something didn't deem right.
something changed...
and everything has changed.
What was, now isn't and
what wasn't, now is.
How do you spell L.O.V.E?
I do not know.

Attempt at erotic poetry

Trying a different 'vibe'. It may be a bit weird but It is an experiment at a particular type of erotica.

Cut me.
Knife to skin dully piercing my epidermis
Harder.
Let me feel the thin slice
cold with pain that boils blood to
ooze red velvet carpets that stain and cover us.
Lead your large delicate hands to my throat
as I feel your grasp
squeeze off my oxygen
while I passively fight for life and attempt
to regain control of my body.
Tie me.
Capture my wrists in your control
while I surrender to your commands.
I am at your disposal.
To you I submit
to your total domination.

fuck it

nature is calling.
Times like this I just need to get away.
When I am fedup pretending that everything is ok.
Im never busy enough, Im never woman enough, Im never old enough
Im never enough to equate your question.
And you may not even read this, because when you dont have time, there is always time for others who probably matter more.
But hey, they were there before me so may be I should just leave you be.
May be I really do have too much time on my hands
but you dont realise the things you do when that name arises.
It always brings quarelled surprises.

So I get the point.
Maybe your then need is now satisfied.
Maybe your itch has been scratched....

May be my time has ended.
May be I should accept defeat and leave you to live your happy life.
Without additional stress.